i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
