I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you never un-have a 4some
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
