went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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