the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
