ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
are you so shy because you have an std?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
