I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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