I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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