the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
