At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
