I want to make a zoo with you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
