You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize