Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
