ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
