I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
