get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
