he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
