What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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