I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
