i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
