either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
