After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
