he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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