that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
