In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
