i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?