We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
