I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
