If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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