i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.