Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
