ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
