Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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