Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
