She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
