thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
