You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
