oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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