grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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