I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So drunk its hurt
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
