Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
