I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
