dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
