Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
