a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
