Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
