fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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