just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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