PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
