I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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