I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
