Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
