I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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