So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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