therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize