I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
