No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
