Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
