last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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