I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
