good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's get the cat blown out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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