I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
