Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
