3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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