nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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