Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
