like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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