Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
