He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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