Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
