So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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