I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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