I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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