i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
