I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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