My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
