For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
