drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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