I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
