My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
