my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
